even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
