He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
