there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
