i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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