i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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