Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
