and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
