Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
