I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
