if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
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