i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize