i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
