Will you blow on my dice?
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
