I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
