Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
The Olympian is in my bed
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
