We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
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