i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize