Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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