Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Randomize
