wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize