Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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