NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
