I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
