The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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