I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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