Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
They have beer where we have blood.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
