This is not my ceiling
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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