You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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