i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
