pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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