i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
