just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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