Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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