He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Its about making memories worth repressing
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
