Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
