You smell like stripper and shame
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
