i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
