I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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