Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
