After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
