i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I'm getting married
To pizza
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
