Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
