3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
