i wish peter jackson would direct porn
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
