I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
