I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I can't turn off my feet"
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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