a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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