Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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