oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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