So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
