Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
