listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
