Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
