omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
there was a trapeze. enough said
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
