can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
