He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
