John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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