For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
