Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
