it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
