I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
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