I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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