Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize