Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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