well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
