just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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