So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
4 words: hood of his car
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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